Posts Tagged ‘Project Pink Diaries’

Ann’s Diary: Yellow Crayon

I have been blonde all my life. I have endured the jokes and the 
taunts readily, since they were always leveled by that old saying, 
“Blondes Have More Fun”. Of course, I have no idea if blondes really 
do have more fun, but who cares. When it comes to having yellow 
hair, perception is reality; I’m blonde, therefore I have fun. 

So it was with great distress that I, in my 40’s, watched as my preschool aged daughter, drawing a picture of me, drew my hair and reached for–the brown crayon.

I had been highlighting my head for years as the older I got the less blonde grew. Then all my hair fell out due to cancer treatments and when it came back it was darker than ever. I never thought of it as brown, though, more like “dishwater blonde” (find that in the crayon box)–but now Crayola had ruined everything I ever thought about my hair color.

With a 4 year old calling my hair brown–not blonde, not cream, not even the color of what pools in a broken dishwasher–I hightailed it to my stylist as fast a my head would go. When I came out of the salon my hair certainly looked brighter–not like it did when I was a kid but certainly lighter than before.

However, the next time my daughter made a picture of me I can’t say 
she grabbed the yellow crayon, either. I can’t say that because she was 
painting. And with her paints, she did take yellow, and spread the glowing
light over the line of my bald head. And I was happy. Until she dipped her paint brush into the color brown and mixed the two together. The result was clearly tan. Okay, so it’s not blonde, but it’s not brown either.

I just hope that “Tans Have More Fun”, too.

Posted August 4th, 2010 by
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Ann’s Diary: Bravely Being You

I’ve been asked to take part in Tilbury House Publisher’s Virtual Tour themed “Bravely Being You.”  I am honored to have the tour visit me here at my website, Project Pink, and invite you to read the following blog in honor of and titled for the Bravely Being You Tour. Leave a comment and be eligible for these prizes.


It was my choice to not reconstruct my breasts after my double mastectomy for breast cancer. My husband, when faced with the your-wife-or-her-breasts choice said simply, “Let them go, I want you healthy.”  So I let them go, and all they represented went with them–femininity, sexiness, beauty, not to mention cute clothing choices. I mean, navel-plunging necklines aren’t meant to expose actual navels.  So in between searching for shirts that don’t make me look like a twelve year old boy and tossing the unopened Victoria’s Secret catalog in the recycle bin, I’ve been searching for the true meaning of beauty.  And against all I’d ever believed growing up, I’ve found that real beauty has nothing to do with my chest.  It has to do with everything but–like my laugh (ask my kids), or my smile, (ask my mother) and my kindness (ask my BFFs), and in those cute pants that show off my backside (just ask my husband.) And it has to do with fighting cancer–and so far beating it–and being grateful that I still get to be here to teach my first grader how to tie her shoes.  I thought my femininity, sexiness and beauty rested in the two curves about my navel and the size 34B bras I once owned.  But according to the film festival crowd I spoke in front of last month, and my kids and my friends and all that life is showing me now, beauty really belongs in choices–to be who you are as you are–and to not be afraid to show it.

Posted May 28th, 2010 by
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Ann’s Diary: Just Show Up

Recently I’ve had some friends come to me with friends newly diagnosed with breast cancer, asking me what they should do?  How can they help?  I can only say the first few days of a breast cancer diagnosis are a terrifying time in a life.  I am sure that sounds dramatic but it is unfortunately true–whether I wanted to feel it or not I was certain I was going to die. Suddenly grocery shopping lists and dry cleaning pick ups were so imperceptible they almost disappeared altogether–who cares about shopping when I may be dying? So when my friends ask me what they can do to help I tell them three simple words–just show up.  And when you do, meet  your friends where they are.  If they’re scared, hold their hand. If they’re nervous, be a calming presence. If they’re calm, you be calm, too.  Just don’t tell them how to feel–find out how they feel and meet them where they are.  Whatever happens, your friend may walk a lonely breast cancer path but thanks to you, they most certainly will not walk it alone.

Posted May 18th, 2010 by
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Project Pink | Help and Hope | No. 1

Go Ahead And Panic: People want to say “you’ll be fine. It’s going to be fine.” That may be true eventually, but right now being newly diagnosed with breast cancer is scary. And it’s okay to be scared.

Posted May 18th, 2010 by
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Ann’s Diary: No Salt On My Margaritas

Sitting awaiting my first chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer, I was scared as hell.  When the nurse came in I jumped, scanning her hands for whatever chemotherapy might look like.  It turns out she wasn’t holding the clear liquid bag that would eventually drain into my veins;  instead she had  a Priority Mail package from my BFF Kristin.  Inside was a cute little bag, some food and a card that made me laugh my ass off;  it was an old looking photo of a woman surrounded by her kids in bathing suits, each one about to hit the pool.  Inside it said, “Now remember kids, no running, no diving and no salt on my margaritas.” I held that card in front of me as the liquid made its way into my body.  It was the funniest card and the simplest thing but it did monumental things for my attitude as I began the fight of my life.

Posted May 12th, 2010 by
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