I’ve been on vacation recently and just find myself coming up for air today.
I love vacation because it is a time for me to put away the stresses of life with metastatic breast cancer and just laugh, lay in the sun, and relax with the rest of the healthy world for a while.
But I found leaving breast cancer behind harder than I thought. It kind of crept in anywhere I was–
like the harder-than-usual hugs I got from family and friends who haven’t seen much of me since my surprise re-diagnosis last fall. Or the worried look on my mother’s face when she saw me playing with my daughter’s hair; and the phantom pains I got in my chest around where my original tumors were located 8 years ago, which turned out to be non-disease stress but sure felt like more cancer clumping up inside me–all of that and more moved like an ugly shadow behind me as I spent time on vacation with the people I love.
I suppose it was dumb of me to expect a full break from my medical situation, to truly live care free and above it all, ‘it’ being the fear that maybe I’ll die sooner than you will. But with me, hope springs eternal. I figure why not look for the best of things and then if disappointed, well, at least I know I tried.
And the hope that I’m beating this breast cancer will never be far from me, I’ll tell you that. Whether I’m in Boston or Baton Rouge, Maui or Maine, sitting at a Starbucks with an old pal or laying on a sandy beach on the east coast, I may take a vacation from my troubles now and then but you can be sure of one thing:
I’ll never take a break from beating the breast cancer beast.
Ann’s books ‘pink tips’ and ‘Words To Live By’ now available in the SHOP section of this website.