Posts Tagged ‘Linda Pattillo’

Ann’s Diary: Keep Going

A friend’s little girl asked her mom “Does Ann have a job?”

It appears the answer would be no, as the most I’ve done this week is laundry. But I know that question is very subjective, based on what the definition of “job” is that you’re using.

I do take a monthly stipend– barely visible on a W-2 form–for what I do here at Project Pink. And I have books I am writing that are available online and selling, subject to guerilla marketing that goes as far as my Facebook and Twitter accounts. But as far as “I’d like to grow up to be”? Nobody says “an unpaid writer.” So I supposed in that sense I do not have a job.

Which then makes it hard to find good writing inspiration on days when I am fighting the blues–as I have been for about a month now. I don’t want to write about the blues–I mean, I did that already a few times, and how many times can you do that without sounding like a whiner?

But a blog is a “daily web log” as the definition goes, and if you really read my daily inner mental web log you’d run screaming for the exit–cuz it hasn’t been pretty lately. There’s cancer, of course. And then there’s the rest—the bills, the weird economy, disciplining the children, my aging parent, rats in the garage, why don’t the kids pick up their rooms, blah blah blah–you probably have similar things on your list, hopefully minus the cancer. And I’ve been good about putting it all in perspective but recently it’s like I push back one thing and BANG something else grabs me and I’m back on the couch watching Will and Grace reruns and praying for tomorrow.

I hate to be a downer so I will stop right here and just assure you that I am getting through. I’m still fighting the blues but I am fighting–which is the only way you can ever get to the “winning.” As far as my friend goes, I told her to tell her daughter that yes, Ann has a job: she is a writer. But I didn’t suggest that her sweet little girl actually read this blog because allowing a 9 year-old to wallow in a 46 year-old’s wah-wah-wahs would definitely put me on the Naughty List this Christmas Season.

But I told my friend I will keep on doing my “job”–blogging, writing, fighting, beating cancer, living– because that’s what I do. Like Winston Churchill said, “when you’re going through Hell, keep going.” And since I’m going through Hell–or at least my own little version of it–that’s what I plan to do,

keep going.

Posted November 30th, 2011 by
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Ann’s Diary: Retro Post, The Avastin Debate

Here’s my problem with the Avastin debate–

it doesn’t take into account the people for whom the drug works.

It’s the same argument that In 2009 led the US Government Task Force to advise that women not have mammograms until they are fifty and to forget self breast exams all together.  In studies the incidents of mortalities did not change with or without the exams, it said.  Yet, that does little to shed light on the individuals for whom breast cancer self exams and mammograms are the reasons they are alive today–like me.

I remember watching Nancy Snyderman on the Today show when that bomb was dropped.  She was in the hot seat trying to explain the seemingly outrageous advisement.  She called the stories of hope, the ones where people could actually trace their lives back to an SBE or a mammogram, “anectdotal” stories.  I’ll never forget that–I know what she meant but all I could hear was that she called my life “anectdotal.”

Sure I may not live as long as you will, but I know I am here today because 6 years ago during a self breast exam I felt a lump.  My kids have memories of me that 6 years ago, at ages 4 and 1, they never would have had.  Ask any psychologist the long term effect of a child losing a parent, and a mother specifically, at such a young age and they’ll roll their eyes with that look of “it ain’t pretty.”  And I know, my mother lost her mother when she was 8–not to breast cancer, to something else–but she’s never been the same since.

There’s a lot still to consider in this debate, most notably the cost of this drug–which is outrageous.  And this country is in no position to dole out drugs that studies say do not produce the kind of results that make the debt worth it.

But out there are women who credit Avastin with giving them another day to hug their kids, check their email, see their next patient, or file that motion for dismissal.  So if the FDA is now recommending to disapprove its usage for breast cancer patients, then I can assure you anyone interested in the incidence of “anectdotal” lives lost to this decision has a guaranteed study in the making on their hands.

Which means this is a sad day for sick people everywhere.
And I hope you never become one of us.

ORIGINALLY POSTED DECEMBER 16TH, 2010

Posted November 20th, 2011 by
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Ann’s Diary: Blam

One of the problems for me with blogging is sometimes I don’t want to talk. To anybody.

Which is the antithesis of a blog: a blog being a daily web log (hence “blog”) of what’s going on in the mind, world, and daily existence of whomever is the author.

BUT…

just because you have a blog doesn’t mean what’s going on in your mind, world or daily existence is worth writing about, much less reading about. Hence we get a lot of blam as I call it: blog spam. Blam is just junk that people feel compelled to throw out there to keep readers engaged. Engaged in what? I’d like to know, but engaged just the same.

So here I am, telling you that today, a week before Thanksgiving, when I should be talking about all I’m thankful for, and all I am glad about, and all the precious words that would make you feel similar to that–quite frankly I don’t feel.

Today I got nothing. That’s the way the cancer cookie crumbles, I’m afraid. I got nothing.

Tomorrow, however, is another story. Tomorrow, as Scarlett O’Hara reminds us all, is another day. And tomorrow, tomorrow, as Annie sings it, is only a day away.

So I’m hoping for better: better mind, world and daily existence commentary–better blam, or better yet, no blam at all–

Tomorrow.

Posted November 19th, 2011 by
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Ann’s Diary: Pink Ribbons

So it’s November, and for most the month of the pink ribbon is over. No more soup cans, perfumes, toilet paper or vehicles embossed, engraved, etched or sketched with the symbol of hope, help and hell-get-me-outta-this awful place known as breast cancer.

I want to thank all of you who did something to help; whether a walk, a donation, wearing pink or hugging a fighter. To you, in big bold letters– I say THANK YOU.

Now you can go back to your regularly scheduled lives.

But for the one in eight women around you–and some men too–the pink beat goes on. We have to face this beast every single day, like it or lump it.

So we’ll pick up our pink and soldier on, but know that we are grateful to you for the time you took this October to stand by our side and ‘represent’ as the kids these days say…

But mostly we hope we are all still here next year when the pink makes its next October appearance. We hope this friggin’ disease hasn’t stolen us away in its cowardly, dastardly, life-squeezing way–so that we can stand next to you in those aisles filled with soup cans, and those walks straddled with sneakers–to once again remind the world that breast cancer, like pink ribbons, is EVERYWHERE–

and until we eradicate it, we will be, too.

Posted November 8th, 2011 by
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Ann’s Diary: ON AIR tonight!

If you’re reading this from Maine, parts of New Hampshire and a tiny bit of Nova Scotia, you can see me tonight on the local NBC affiliate on a program called ’207′ (Channel 6 or 2 depending on where you are in Northern New England.)

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That’s a talk show hosted by my friends Rob Caldwell and Kathleen Shannon, whom I worked with for several years when I was a reporter and anchor at WCSH6 in Portland, Maine.

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(Ann Murray Paige and Rob Caldwell, ‘pink tips’ book signing at UNE, Portland, ME.  October, 2011.)

I recently sat down with Kathleen at my book signing at the University of New England to talk about my new book, ‘pink tips’, and it was SOOOOO good to be back with my old friend again.

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(Kathleen Shannon, Harry Harris, Ann Murray Paige and Donna Harris, UNE, Portland ME. October, 2011.)

You won’t see this on air, but behind the camera was my other dear pal, Harry Harris, whom I worked with when I was the bureau reporter in Lewiston for 3 years in the mid-90′s. And as a bonus, his fantastic wife and my friend Donna Harris was there, too.

2011MeHarry

(Ann Murray Paige and Harry Harris. UNE, Portland, ME. October, 2011.)

If you can check out the show, please do.  And know I am so happy to be back on air–if only for one night–on WCSH6/WLBZ2!

Posted November 2nd, 2011 by
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