Cancer is exhausting.
On the one hand, it’s a pain to worry about my body. On the other hand, it’s a pain to worry about my mind.
My body is doing it’s thing. It’s taking the new drug and doing all it can to help it work before it stops working–as all cancer drugs eventually do. That’s when the tumor markers rise and I gotta switch up my meds. It happens to everyone, the question is when does it happen–how long do I get before the meds wear off? As my daughter once said when I asked her how long it had been since she took a shower—“MYSTERY!”
On the other hand–and this is the harder hand for me–my mind is all over the place. One moment I’m fine and then–with no particular catalyst–I’m nuts. And even my “nuts” are confused–some times I’m honey roasted (upbeat), sometimes I’m salted (angry) sometimes I’m lightly salted (melancholy) and sometimes I’m shelled (leave me alone.)
I won’t even get into my “mixed nuts” phases…
which all lead me to one perfectly confusing place: right here.
I haven’t written for a while here at the blog–I promised myself I would never be a blogger who writes for the sake of relevance. I write when I have something to say or I don’t write at all.
However, writing about salted versus honey roasted nuts isn’t exactly the prose of Shakespeare. More like the ramblings of Mr. Peanut.
So I’ll close by saying that yes, I am still here. I am surely alive, and while I am in difficult phase of my cancer journey I am still not going anywhere. I am young, I am strong and I will win.
I’d be nuts to believe otherwise.