I haven’t been blogging much lately–for a reason.
I’ve hit a roadblock and it’s not a creative one. It’s not medical. It’s not financial. It’s not unexpected, nor is it planned, and it caught me off guard–though I should have seen it coming. The reason I haven’t been blogging is–for lack of a better adjective– maternal.
My children are getting older and now they can read this blog. They are old enough to actually stop and look over my shoulder at what I’m pecking out on my laptop–my frustrations, my fears, my medical updates–all of it. Before they didn’t care but now? Teenagers are curious. And that means that anything I put out here can get back to them–
and that’s no good. Because they need to be strong and not be afraid of the demons and dragons that their mother is out there slaying in the cancer kingdom. And if I write about my fears here, and am as honest as I have been about my worries–that will absolutely scare them. And I can’t do that to these kids, they are going through so much with this crap already. I can’t have it thrown in their face via this blog.
So I find myself at a crossroads: how do I do write here without upsetting my children?
That is why I haven’t been writing.
Thank you for having patience with me as I figure this out. Writing is my outlet, it’s my joy, it’s a passion and some days I think it keeps me sane in this utterly insane life I am leading fighting metastatic breast cancer. To give it up would slay me worse than the dragon I’m battling..
but to keep it up as I have been doing might hurt two people I love more than life itself. What to do?
To be continued..