Someone passed my blog about how Fiji Water is mysteriously curing me of my these-veins-won’t-work problem whenever I need to have a blood draw to the folks at Fiji Water. That’s the blog where I tell how I drank some Fiji Water before a blood draw a few weeks ago and magically, what usually takes three or four pokes to get into my rolly-polly-ollie veins took ONE time. Since it sounds so pretty to me I’ll repeat and italicize that: one time.

I thought it was a fluke but I still had some Fiji Water left so I took it the next day for my infusion to fight off my breast cancer and SURE ENOUGH the nurse, ready to poke me half a dozen times, almost fell off her stool when she got into my arm on the first try. Another fluke? Possibly…

Then yesterday, having a PETSCAN–because cancer is so much fun!-the tech poked my arm, got into my vein, looked at me and said, “Bullseye!”

I wanna tell you I almost hugged him–because having someone poke you like a pin cushion and dig around for your freaking vein is so very unpleasant I can barely write it. As I sat in the radio-active-tracer-lounge waiting for the stuff he injected to pump through my body, I got right on Twitter and tweeted a photo of my arm and my almost-empty bottle of Fiji Water and I told the people at Fiji how much I love them. Of course, they likely think I’m crackers, since they responded, “we’ve heard a lot of health stories about our water but this is a new one on us.”

So anyway, back to last week, when someone forwarded my blog Fiji Magic to someone at Fiji, she did it without me knowing. Not that I wouldn’t have said “go ahead” if she asked me first, but she did it on her own, because the first line of the blog says “don’t tell the people at Fiji I’m writing this or people will think I’m on the take…..” And sure enough, someone at Fiji emailed me that evening to ask if the company could send me some free water.

And you know what I said? H-E-L-L Y-A.

I, not one to get paid much for what I do, nor have I ever been approached by any business who wants to support my effort of getting my book into cancer centers across the country–(and believe me I’ve tried. Like at that blogging forum in SF a few weeks back, I threw my book into the hands of someone from the Gates Foundation–awkward–and ZERO response from them)–and I, who hate to appear needy, have to tell myself, “Whatever. Someone else will figure out that my cause is important.” Because I ain’t a beggar. My book sold exactly 10 copies this month. I’ve made a whole 32 dollars. Fortune 500 here I come.

But this stuff, this Fiji Water, and I have no idea why, has now saved my arm exactly 9 track marks in 2 weeks. If you have my same problem you know that’s A LOT A PAIN I avoided. And I have more ahead as I battle the breast cancer beast. So while I may not be able to be bought, I can absolutely be showered. And if Fiji wants to dowse me with its magic water and help me deal with this ridiculously awful symptom of this outrageously terminal disease I’m fighting, I say HAVE AT IT, I’M ALL YOURS.

Though I’m not being paid by Fiji to say any of this, I now call their product LIQUID GOLD. Because all of us facing any illness that involves getting poked and prodded deserve a freaking BREAK. And if ponying up 6 dollars for a bottle of H2O gets us out of the phlebotomist’s rooms any quicker I’ll pay that bill all day long.

I now have 48 days of good blood draws stacked between the salsa and the oatmeal in my pantry: I think that means I’m “on the take.” And if that’s the case…

I’ll be on the take for as long as Fiji Water will take me.

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Posted January 26th, 2012 by